My journey to regaining my freedom

I am trying to figure out just when I lost my freedom.  When I was young, I had loads of courage.  I seemed to be unafraid of anything.  I was shy, but I would sing a solo in front of gradeschoolers who were older than me.  I would do impromptu plays in front of my mother and other mothers, dragging my friends along for the ride.  I could get my school friends who lived near me to give up one lunch a week so that we could combine our monies and buy one mother each month a gift.  I dreamed of doing things on a large scale, I had hope and I believed in me.  Now I need this and cannot find any of in within myself.

I used to like myself.  My human spirit soared.  Ideas abounded.  Enthusiasm knew no bounds.  I longed for change.  I had very definite ideas about how I believed a Christian should act and when I saw it wasn't always that way, I hung in there and kept how I felt to myself.

I am getting older, and although I am going to live a long life I am horrified to live it the way I am now.  I must, for my human spirit, find my other self.  I must be free.  To do that I need to understand how I got to this point.  From now on, this blog will be my way of investigating my life to find clues and to correct what was done to me or by me.