Some memories

 Some memories just won't go away. The one I am dealing with isn't all that bad but it happened when I was 10 or 11 and staying with my Dad's Mom and Dad for the summer. In the neighborhood all the houses had decent front porches where you could sit in the evening and have coffee, tea or Coca Cola and everyone knew everyone and their business. The house that was two doors down from the main street there was a young woman who lived with her parents and she had just had a baby, she was mentally ill. I remember Granny Mac and Grandpa Mac running out of the house around 5 p.m. as did everyone in the neighborhood. The house was on fire and the fire truck was there dong their best. There were screams and we all huddled together a short distance from the house. The smoke smelled different and it wasn't until a week later that Granny Mac told me the screaming was the mother of the baby that she couldn't get out of the house and the smell was human flesh. The mother had to be taken to the hospital with bad burns over her body, unfortunately, she never came home because she just couldn't cope with the loss of her baby. I can still remember the smell of burning flesh.

Language and history of people

 Today sometime, four thousand sheep were delivered to the Chinese government by the Mongolian government.  It's sort of a peace offering.  When the Mongolians protested the fact that they were not allowed to speak their true language China acted in a very robust way...by killing.  You may feel anger at China's way of dealing with this but stop and think about our history and what we have done to the Indigenous people of this country as well as telling people who become citizens of this country that we don't want to hear their native tongue but want to hear only American English from them.  We are not respecting them or their origins, OR their customs or whatever makes them the people they are.  We are, believe it or not, a melting pot and as soon as we recognize this the better off we all will be.  Acceptance is the greatest gift we can give each other. 

Don't tell me how to believe or act

 In Paris an extremist of the Muslim belief chopped the head of a school teacher off because of a cartoon the teacher was using in class.  I'm not saying the person was right but...let's put it this way, what if someone made a very crude cartoon of your God or Jesus in a way that was insulting are you really going to say you won't do something about it?  No, I don't believe you would chop someone's head off but  I do believe you would be furious and want to beat the hell out of the person who did it and I know some Christians who would follow through although the majority would not...at least the physical part.  All I am saying is that we have the right to any belief system we want and because of that there is no room for putting another system down because it isn't the one we practice and neither should we make fun in any way, form or purpose of that same spiritual practice.  Christians have this belief that if you don't believe like them you are going to hell, that is their privilege and I won't stop anyone from believing that way, however, stay out of my face because I don't see things your way, I have the right to practice my belief system however I want as long as I don't put anyone in harms way and I sincerely believe that of all belief systems.  Go about your belief system however you want just don't be so judgmental.  Jesus wasn't that way, he said some will believe and some won't and it is their choice.  Just go about your business and if you don't want to be around them, fine and dandy but you just might be missing out on a very wonderful friendship.

Just my thoughts.

More changes

 So now coffee is giving me stomach problems and I am once again drinking tea...no not Southern tea but hot teas.  It has been a long time but I am once again enjoying a cup of hot tea with honey and, for some reason, it makes me slow down.

My neighbors have gotten so used to me walking barefoot on the gravel and sitting in the gravel, grass or the rocks that they don't think anything of it now.  Someone put a rock on top of a post that holds wire to keep the young trees straight and everyone thought it was me...wish it had been.  Slowly, I'm getting free and sometimes even feel like a youngster again.  I had forgotten the things I used to do to get over not being in control and having to obey absolutely everyone and not think for myself.  My drawings are coming back slowly but surely, ideas for necklaces, paintings and just thoroughly beginning to enjoy life again.

For the past two evenings when Jake got home from work we actually sat and talked for about two hours.  I know he's anxious to get out and on his own but it's going to take time to get the money together and find a place.  He is enjoying his work and the people he works with, he is learning how to work with the one that always gives him problems and he doesn't seem as angry as he was when he first got here.  I'm still fuming over those two "things" trying to pass themselves off as humans because they not only used him as a slave but they came back here in June and took everything out of his storage unit telling the manager that he moved out.  Sorry to say, these "things" claim to be Christian and  Republican.

I'm reading a book one of my client's wife gave me to read and while reading came across a book I need to put on my ever growing books to buy list.

Talking with other residents I am finding out that all of us were and are having a tough time getting used to this type of living.  The apartments are beyond beautiful but they are apartments and sometimes feel like cages.  Thank heavens there is a garden, several small lawns, young trees, flowers and other things.  We are planning a large party when COVID19 decides to disappear.  I'm meeting more tenants almost every day.  We all have cars and there is a man who is willing to help out as well as two other men who have trucks and are willing to help pick up any furniture we ladies might want to buy.  All in all it's really pleasant.  

Our "leader"...

 Once again our "leader" is acting more like a corporation CEO than an actual leader.  He is saying the Federal Government is going to defund New York City, Portland, and other cities who have violent protest saying it is the fault of the city so much damage is happening.  Once again, wouldn't it be nice to live in his world where he can decide what is really happening?  When are people going to wake up and see that he wants to be Emperor!  He has gone against the Constitution so many times and so have his Cabinet Members and yet his supporters are blind and think he, as a true Christian (yeah, just think about his actions and how often he goes to play golf and then how many times he goes to church or even prays, much less knows how to open a Bible) he can't be as bad as people are saying and that all the garbage said about him is just that and everyone is against him so they HAVE to stand by this wonderful man.  Gag me!  I want a country where my granddaughter and great grandson can live in peace and not have to worry about a nuclear war, not have to worry about someone having some sort of agenda against them and killing them because with this "leader" there is nothing but hate and it will end up, if he is re-elected, that if you don't believe like everyone else you will die.  I'm scared for damn good reason and I hope everyone else is beginning to wake up or will very soon.

A nightmare new world

 That's what my dream, I say dream instead of dreams because it was on continuous dream without breaks even when I woke up and went back to sleep and that hasn't happened in a very long time, did for me last night and into the morning hours.

You know how we have always felt for people of other nations when their leaders turned on them and quit taking care of their problems and instead just added to them?  Well, guess what folks, we're in for the same thing if Trump gets in for another term...I should say if Trump gets elected again because he will not leave, this is the position he has longed for forever and he will not let it go and to hell with the Constitution or law something he has proven over time that he cares nothing for.

If you think haters are coming out of the woodwork now just wait.  The Civil War won't have anything on what we will be living with.  The Civil War was about money and no slavery...that was sort of an afterthought...so there was no real hate involved except for the President trying to take away slavery so the owners of plantations had all the profits and didn't have to pay that many people.  This next one will be nothing but pure hate...hatred of color, standard of living, your religion, not being like the "norm", etc.  Only those who believe like the "leader" will be spared the hatred.  And don't wait for help from another country, our "leader" has already pissed all of them off so they won't be there for us.  In this new "normal" our greatest fear, other than being shot for being who you are, is that our "leader" might just take it into his head to conquer the whole world and start a Nuclear War in which no one will survive.  

Even if we don't have a type of Civil War we won't be able to live healthy lives because of the pollution of the air and no pure water to be found anywhere.  If you get a vacation it won't be normal because there won't be any National Parks to go to, the oil companies and coal companies and who knows what other company will have taken all of them over to use as they see fit.  Our country won't look or feel the same because it will be complete and total Capitalism!  Think you'll like it?  Think again, Capitalism is just as bad as Communism and Socialism, money will be the only thing that matters and if you don't make enough forget health care it won't be available to you at all.

Think whatever you want about me and my ideas, this is the dream I had and I fear it will come true if we elect Trump again...hell, it could occur even if he isn't put in office again because he has let the "hounds of hate" loose and they won't be reined in.  This is what kept me awake most of the night.

Sick of all the BS

 I'm tired of constantly being bombarded with how wonderful our "leader" is and how much he has accomplished.  It's all BS.  I just saw one where he is supposed to have lowered insulin to $35!  That is real bull shit, he is for corporations making as much money as possible, he's still a CEO even though the Constitution says as President he can't do that...hell, all of his family are still running businesses.

 Yesterday was a very hard day, thank goodness I had a client the first part of the day.  After I got home I tried to relax without any success so I went to the covered balcony on the third floor, brought my legs up to my chest as close as I could get them and slowly tears came out of my eyes; my neck and back tensed up; my mind went absolutely crazy and for a few minutes longer than I would ever wish for, I strongly contemplated different sorts of suicide.  What's wrong?  You name it.  The one that looms large for me is the current Government we have and how stupid people are getting...no I'm not all that smart myself...but...Anyway, I began to look for things to concentrate on to get me out of this hole and there was absolutely nothing I could grab hold of.  I thought of calling me eldest and then remembered he had far too much on his plate; then I texted my daughter and asked her to call (she didn't, she's enjoying her motorcycle, lucky girl); finally I left a message for Jake to call when he could and sure enough 15 minutes later he called.  The kid doesn't know how much of a lifesaver he is.  He told me of the mess he is in with the people he trusted and how much he is thinking of walking from Alamosa to Longmont...I talked him out of this...told me about his room (which isn't), how his "friend" is planning on "big" things as far as a restaurant and the this same "friend" is beginning to believe that COVID 19 is just a rumor.  He is disgusted, and loosing hope.  We made an agreement that he would call and vent, I would vent right along with him and that eventually we would get things worked out for the best.

Anyway, After that I felt better, all fired up and all that stuff.  It got me out of my depression.  Today, I am dizzy, my neck and shoulders hurt and I'm fed up with the government just like always.  Trump is taking over the country in ways people don't realize...I know, even to me it sounds like a conspiracy theory except it isn't.  I've looked up what can and can't be done to Social Security and the Post Office and sure enough he can do as he damn well pleases.

Anyone know a very good law firm that would be willing to take on Trump and his cronies for me?

 

Don't stop

Listening to BBC America this morning and they have a section where they go back in history and look at what happened. This morning it was about Rodney King. Remember him? Remember the riots? Remember how the police got off even though there was film shown over and over again on TV? Remember how disgusted people were, both Black and White? Remember how many thought we could bring an end to this kind of treatment? Guess what...it's still around. Yesterday our Congressmen/women decided not to do anything! Are we going to let this happen again. Are we going to just keep protesting and eventually let it all die down with a few people trying to get something done...like the school shootings. Aren't you getting a little more than frustrated? I am! No, not to the point that I will destroy property or throw rocks at policemen/women but something HAS TO BE DONE! Right now I have a message for Congress. YOU ARE FIRED! You represent yourselves, you don't represent the citizens who voted you in, you care more about who know what but it sure isn't what you need to be taking care of.

Sorry folks, but when I woke up to this this morning I was so angry and disappointed and hoping the protest won't stop...I had to get it out.

Listening to Colorado Public Radio Classical, I heard "We Shall Overcome" in symphony and chorus...no matter how you sing it it is a beautiful song with deep meaning I hope my friends and acquaintances will forgive me because I believe now, in this moment of possible advancement for all of us, I believe this is the song we all need. IF we do not shame people who have hatred in their hearts for others...we are all slaves, no not the same as the Blacks on whose backs this country stands, but slaves to lack of full freedom. If one, only one person is a slave to the probability that the color of their skin can get them killed, then the rest of us are slaves to shame and the fact that we are letting it happen. This country, The United States of America, has always proclaimed "freedom for all"...that was a joke. It's time to make it the truth! I am suggesting that all of us with light skin adopt the song "We Shall Overcome" so that we can proudly and rightfully proclaim that the U.S. is a country where all are equal no matter their skin color, their religion, their beliefs...so long as those freedoms don't enslave someone else. Just a thought

Changds

I apologize in advance. I know how tired everyone is worn out with everything gong on, however...

I am hoping that after all of these protest there will be a change in the way Police work. My first hope is that in the training the first and foremost goal will be to wound, not kill, suspects. I understand that they (police) may believe their lives are at stake but there really is no reason for all the killings. According to all I can find out, if you know more just tell me, there is training so that if there are hostages the police are trained so that no innocent lives are taken. If they can do that they can be trained to shoot the suspect in the arm, the leg, the foot, the hand...not take a life. If you are going to be a Policeman/woman you should be going into this life knowing your life may be at stake, if that scares you don't join the police force...simple. There is no way to determine who is prejudiced and who isn't, but there has to be a way of getting rid of people making good cops look bad. Hopefully, when bad cops are fired from a city, town or whatever, they will not be hired in another municipality...THAT is important.

Okay, I've gotten it out of my system, go about your day forget this rant, look at the beautiful sky, animals playing, children laughing and enjoy

Here I go again...

Here I go again only in a slightly different direction, or something like that.

I am white...you know that color that they say isn't really a color, well my theory is that, since I am white and there are many of us, maybe we are jealous of all of you who are of color and so that jealousy turned to envy and that envy into hate. I mean, just think about it, if you are bland wouldn't you be jealous of someone who has glorious color?

It's just a theory so I'll go further. People of color have a very rich heritage...what sort of heritage do whites have? Do we have wonderful colorful dress that is customary? Do we have beautiful dance that is passed down? Do we have stories of heroes that are so wonderfully colorful and beautiful? Okay, some of us do and some are keeping this colorful history but here in the United States most of it has been done away with and whites have become very dull...like the color, no substance. I know, this is an exaggeration but bare with me. Because we (us in the U.S.) don't want other languages other than a bastardized English, of course we are envious and jealous of people who have a rich dialect as well as a rich history.

I'm sure I don't have all the facts but hey, this is a theory.

The movement

I learned while watching CBS morning news program that the policeman who knelt on George Floyds (?) neck knew George. They both worked as bouncers/security for a bar, George on the inside, the cop on the inside. The owner of the bar gave all the checks for George to hand out, the cop was upset because he believed the checks should have be higher and they got into an argument. The owner of the bar said she knew that the policeman was a bully but of all the police she could have hired she considered him the "least". Know I know why the knee on the neck. There is a word for this "man" but I'm leaving it alone.

Another rant

Again on an early radio show I heard that some Republicans and our "leader" are threatening to investigate mail in ballots for fraud.  This is scaring a lot of people, particularly people of color.  I mean, who wants to be investigated by the Federal Government or anyone for that matter...you never know whether they are gathering truth or something they can use against you by slightly twisting things.  This has happened in the past.  I'm not sure about other states but in Colorado you have to have a driver's license or an ID card, I don't see anything wrong with that especially since you need either of them to get a check cashed.  There have been proposals of a Poll Tax, yuck!  Texas had that for the longest in hopes of keeping "Coloreds" from voting.  I believe the first year I voted I had to pay the Poll Tax ($1) but I wanted to vote so I paid it.  Our "leader" claims that mail voting will be full of  "fake" votes and false signatures so he wants it investigated.  Yeah, he's afraid that if people vote by mail he will loose by a landslide.

People, this is the United States of America, NOT America!  In order to be AMERICA we would have to have ALL of North and South America!  Again, this is the United States, sadly something we have never been but I have high hopes that we will eventually get there.  We used to be known as the "melting pot", I loved that idea growing up and I still love it.  However, as I grew up and began to see a different world than I thought existed.  I took a lot for granted as to what I was told and what I followed.  If you wonder why I'm always up in the air about something, well it's because I came to see the reality of my world and it isn't the beautiful thing I thought it was.  There is more hate than I realized before, most of it is in small doses but eventually it leads to something horrific.  I have said before that if you want to know what the current "leader" is up to read "Mien Kamp" (not sure about the spelling as the flood took the book) or "Der Fuehrer" (again not sure of the spelling, lost to the flood) and you will see what I mean.  I AM NOT an conspiracy type of person but sometimes something happens that is a fact and not a conspiracy.  Do not take my word for anything, do not take anyone's word on anything...do research, take the time to find out the truth!

My Mother's Mom wanted to be kin to a vice-president who was in office for two weeks, fortunately, we aren't kin to him.  Why only in office for two weeks?  In that period of time he completely bankrupted the United States!  I believe he was vice-president, then president in the early 1800's, not sure about the dates.  Oh well, life goes on.

Riding a bucking horse

Although it has been a while since I have had to ride a bucking horse, I still remember so much about it, true it only lasted a few minutes but the thrill and terror is long lasting.

The first thing I noticed was the twitching of the ears, leaning over the neck I could see the nostrils showing anger, then, even though there was plenty of leather and a saddle blanket between me and it's back, I could feel the back bone coming up and the tightening of the muscles.  All I could do was do my best to hang on. Only one started off with crow hops, the others went straight from a walk to a full blown buck.  Most of them were straight up bucks, back bowed, head down, legs stiff.  One, however, should have been a rodeo horse.  He was angry as hell and he wanted to be sure I knew it.  All I wanted was to get him used to weight on his back.  What I wanted was to lunge him first with the saddle on, but my husband at the time thought that was a waste, but he wasn't riding the horse, in fact he never rode any of the horses (in his defense, he hated horses as this was the only way he could be with his Dad was to ride horses).  So, I got on the horse and immediately felt all the signs that I was going to be in for some sort of ride.  The back yard had a 10 ft cyclone fence around it, you know the kind with the little prongs at the top...well we went around the back yard and he bucked higher and higher all the while getting closer and closer to the fence.  If he had thought about it, he could have simply jumped the fence since his bucks were a good foot above the top of the fence.  He decided he wasn't doing enough to he did a Sun Fish.  Know what that is?  It's when the front end of the horse is facing one way and the rear end is facing another with the middle twisted, like I said, he would have been a wonderful rodeo horse.  He went back to regular bucks and then threw in another Sun Fish.  All I could think of was that I had three little kids in the house and couldn't afford to get hurt, AND, I hadn't to fixed Sunday Dinner yet.  As he got closer to the fence I decided to bail off.  I hit the ground and looked up to see all four hooves headed right for my belly, so I got into a ball and  hoped for the best.  It was the right thing to do, the hooves grazed my top leg just above the knee.  My husband caught the horse and I got up, with a little difficulty.  I looked at my jeans and they were soaked in blood.  My husband insisted that I get back on, I sure hated admitting he was right, so I got back on and he led the horse around the yard until the hump finally left.  At that point I was ready to try again...that is until I looked at my leg.  My husband was nice enough to let me go in and take a bath while he unsaddled the horse and put him in the pasture.  It took two seconds for the water to turn a light red.  After I got out I checked it out, there wasn't a cut, it looked like all the small blood vessels had been ruptured.  Anyway I put something on it, got dressed and went to take care of the kids and fix dinner.  Monday I went to the doctor to be sure everything was okay, it was but he told me to watch out for a blood clot.  Well that was when I was 24 and I never got the blood clot.

Now, how did I feel during all of this?  Fascinated by all the strength and muscles I felt in this horse, scared that I might not survive and maybe even be crippled, and loads of adrenaline.  I never expected my horses to buck but I'm glad I went through it.  Why?  I learned to respect how powerful they are, how they still have a mind of their own and when they did as I trained them to do they were being nice to me instead of trying to kill me like they could have.  All in all, this actually made me love and admire them more.  Yeah, I know, I'm crazy.

Cabin Fever

I've had cabin fever before but the only restrictions were the ones put on me by myself and usually the weather.  Having someone else seems to make the cabin fever much worse.  Everything is closed due to the virus so I can't even go window shopping.  It's a cloudy day, 41 degrees, 66% humidity and raining off and on.

I thought maybe if I put classical music on it would help but ended up listening to 60's, 70's and 80's music.  Right not Otis Redding is doing a horrible job of "You Send Me" done originally by Sam Cook, whose version was so much better.  Oh well.

I have to keep in mind that my electric coffee peculator needs to be thoroughly cleaned once a month.

Economy vs Lives

So, our "leader" is closing down the Coronavirus Task Force, the group that is supposed to be there in this pandemic...he is shutting it down so he can get the economy going. Guess what? The leader of a South American country, I think it is Brazil, is also up for election and he is pushing economy over lives! Don't get me wrong, I fully understand that we all need work and money...my question is how is the economy going to grow when people are dying? Just a question.

Our "leader"

Yesterday or today, I'm not sure which now, World Leaders gathered to raise money for finding a vaccine for COVID 19.  The leader of China was there but he didn't want to be involved.  Our "leader"...nowhere to be seen.  It appears he wants the U.S. to be isolated and be the only one to find the cure so we can sell it at an exorbitant amount of money.  Yep, that's our "leader" money is all important.  I am totally disgusted with  his ideas and his attitude!  I'm hoping many of the people who bought into his ideas at the beginning are now realizing what sort of "leader" we actually have.

There is a thing on Facebook being sent around that mail in voting is somehow wrong and that it is far more important to expose yourself to danger in order to vote.  NOT!   Mail in voting is important for many reasons.  There are people who want to vote but cannot make it to the voting places for one reason or another.  There are people who cannot be late for work and by the time work is done for the day just want to get home to a hot meal and their family instead of standing in line and hoping they get to vote in time.  Voting by mail makes sense in too many ways to so many people.  You get your ballot early so you can vote early.  You don't have to expose yourself and others to the possibility of COVID 19.  In my opinion it is the safest and most efficient way of voting, especially during a pandemic.

A new day

Jake is fine and moving out as of Thursday.  Robert has Stage 2 Colon Cancer which is far better than Stage 3 or 4 and shouldn't have to have chemo, which in my opinion is wonderful.  Amy is settling down with the new routine.  Stacey is working with the new kittens, getting them new homes and getting a job.  Caitlin and her S.O. are doing fine for now as they still have an income.  Mason is way to full of energy for any of them.  Me?  Well, I'm doing okay, kind of depressed but not enough to do any harm; too many things to do and no energy to do any of them; and contemplating what the rest of 2020 will be like.  As far as I can find out from the past records, most pandemics last about two years, now how well it was financially during those two years records don't show anything.  They called AIDS an epidemic and it was but not the same as this pandemic.  They are still, as far as I can find out, working on the "cocktail" so it seems to be only one pill compared to the thirty-eight pills my sister Pat had to take.  Everyone believes it is gone but it isn't, it's hanging in there; because people think it is gone people, being humans, aren't taking the precautions they once were.  Oh well, human beings are especially weird creatures.

So, as of yesterday, I am now 77 years of age.  Funny, it doesn't feel any different than when I turned 60.  Oh, I know I'm older, believe me, I'm slower than what I want to be; people remind me all the time that I am older and need to be more careful.  If I listened to everyone, I'd get a wheel chair and just wait to die...not going to happen.  I wish I had had this attitude when I was younger It would have done me and my kids a world of good, but I didn't.  I learned a thing or two about myself as well as others though which is ending up to being a very good thing.  Don't every let anyone tell you that you are too old to change, you are never too old for anything...well maybe a few things that I can't think of at the moment.

Navajo Reservation

We all know about New York and New Jersey being the hot spots in the U.S. for the Coronavirus...however, how many of you know that the third hot spot is the Navajo Nation? They have the largest reservation and the third largest number of people with COVID 19! Why don't you know about it? Because they are Native Americans and very little is reported about them on national news. Why? Do any of you remember the painting and sculpture of the Native astride his pony with hunched shoulders, his head down, his pony's tail tucked, head lowered as a wind buffets them strongly from behind? It's called the Last Trail and was meant to represent the last Native, meaning they were supposed to be "eliminated for good". They aren't and they won't be!
Did you know that there isn't a Reservation with adequate medical resources? That in the 60's and 70's and probably beyond, when a woman or a man went to the hospital for something they were likely to have come back with a vasectomy or hysterectomy without their consent? I believe, mainly because I want to, that this no longer exist. However, they do not have the medical facilities to take care of Natives with COVID 19!
This nation of ours lacks humanity! We are racist even when we don't intend to be! We treat people of Color with disdain, even if it is very slight, it is still there. Many of the smartest people are of Color! There may not be as many as there could be because of the educational system they are exposed to. The Asians have it a little better but not a lot.
IF you truly believe in your God, how can you look down on people of Color or people who do believe in Him but use another name for him and another type of bible, or, who simply do not believe in Him? According to your Bible, He made everyone and we are all equal no matter our race or sexual orientation! So what's the problem?
Yes, I am very upset...what else is new

Racism and death in the South

Rant on the way! When there is a house under construction, how many of you have gone in to see what is going on after the construction was gone? I have, just out of curiosity. Now, the rant. In the South, I believe Georgia, a black man was shot because two husky white men decided he had gone in to the house to steal something. He was out for a run and stopped to see what the house looked like on the inside (my theory, okay?). These two men decided he was guilty because he was running. One used to work for the Police department, just a little information as to why they haven't been arrested. Now, this black man didn't have anything in his hands but these two men (I won't think of them that way, my right) grabbed a shotgun and a handgun, ran after him and yelled at him to stop. Now, if you were a black man (or woman for that matter) and two white men with guns were yelling for you to stop, honestly, would you? I sure as hell wouldn't. They say he got aggressive, who wouldn't? He was shot twice at close range with the shot gun. There is a law that citizens can act as Police if a crime has been committed. Okay, but does that give the citizen the right to kill? Furthermore, nothing was taken from the construction site. These men are running around like nothing happened. BTW, this man usually went for a run every day. These white men will probably get away with it and I am angry. We have a "leader" who has let it be know how much he dislikes people of color, he has taken the side of Neo Nazi and the KKK...still I am surprised that this is still happening in a "CHRISTIAN" country. Christian? Really? Have any of you read the Bible? Do any of you realize that you are supposed to be "Christ like"? Enough said, my neck is killing me. The United States and it's citizens need to grow up!

What now

So I applied for unemployment because of shortage of hours, COVID 19 is the reason.  No, I don't have it, my son had a mild case of it...it is because many families with good reason are cutting back on using Care Givers for fear of a "carrier" being among them.  Yes, it is a very good reason since there is a shortage of testing equipment and not everyone can be tested.  However, it has really cut back my hours and then there was the time off from the 14th to the 1st because of being quarantined.  Oh well, it is part of life and all of this will be over, eventually.

I am constantly both entertained and horrified of what our "leader" is saying and doing.  He has used his Executive Order to open meat places and wants everyone to go back to work there in spite of the fact that there have been enough cases of COVID 19 and, In Greeley, CO, at least five deaths.  Still, he wants them to go back to work without the masks, gloves and other protection.  I know he wants to be re-elected but at the costs of people's lives?  He wants to be known as the "President" who had a wonderful economy while he was in "charge".  What will happen is that he will be known as a "leader" who only cared for money and cared nothing at all for peoples lives!  He still wants the Wall built; he wants undocumented people out of this country...does not matter that they want to be here for the very same reason as his and others relatives came to this country; he would prefer if everyone in this country were white; he wants us "old folks" to die away, forgetting that he is old;he wants women to be beautiful and extremely submissive (all others need to be gotten rid of); he is scared to death of anyone who isn't "straight"...all of this and he isn't thinking about who is going to take over all the jobs these people, the very people he wants to be rid of, do.  Does he think?  I have serous doubts.  Is he insane?  I'd vote for a yes.  Does he care for anyone other than himself and his family?  Absolutely not!  Don't get me wrong I am not crazy about Biden being our President, but he is better than Trump in my opinion.  This country is one huge fucking mess!  I'm just hoping that after COVID is gone we begin to build the country we always "thought" it was.  Maybe it's a dream, but it's mine.

Oh my

Again I am blown away by how stupid people can be. I heard, via one of my radio programs, that Lysol actually had to put out an announcement that, yes, Lysol does destroys germs on surfaces in the home but NOT on the insides of humans and pleading people not to drink Lysol as protection against COVID 19. And then, the program went on to say that some people believed if they drank bleach it would help as well. Where are these people getting these ideas? They are in serious need of psychological help!

Here we go again

Here I go again! Blaming WHO for us withdrawing money from them, blaming WHO for being taking the money from China and is covering up the fact that COVID started in China. I am totally amazed at how much this "leader" and his followers are determined to blame everyone BUT the person who is responsible for the late start in combating this virus! Science, something this dumbo doesn't believe in, has proven it started in the countryside in China AND that WHO was watching it very carefully. As far as WHO having to prove anything, how about we make our "leader" prove to us why he knew about the virus long before he let us in on it!

The Chinese are not going to be "friendly" and yes, they are saying the virus started with the U.S. military. Russia, China and the U.S. are all the same. As far as China being what China is...it is what it is...we aren't the country we proclaim to be but at least the Chinese are honest. As far as China continuing to make the things they sell to the U.S. and other nations...it is trying to but there is the virus and the fact that we, the U.S., aren't sure the products won't be carrying the virus. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if other countries aren't thinking the same about what we sell, read sold, to other countries. What we have folks is a "leader" who does all sorts of harm and when he is caught it is someone else's fault, never his. If you tell the truth about him it is a "witch" hunt.

My neck is killing me, I'm going to look for that cave, the bear is out by now and when it comes back I'll make the deal.

What I woke up to this morning

So, our "leader" is proud of the fact that he is sending 55,000 respirators throughout the U.S. and that is that! How many hospitals are there in the U.S.? How many people are there in the U.S. that need these respirators? Really? This is going to take care of the problem? Oh how I would love to live in his world...NOT.
I'm listening to CPR News and was shocked to hear a Navy person of high rank saying that our "leader" is hiring and firing who is in charge of the Navy and other military. His problem...the "leader" has no military experience, does not consult anyone about the people he puts in charge and the things that made this person so upset was he can discharge an officer because the officer disagrees with him (yes, that person did not go through the regular way of complaining but his people were in danger of the virus and he knew if he went the regular route nothing would happen) and that the "leader" calls the military elite officers "his gentlemen".
Now, yes there is more, he has just given the Oil company loads of money to keep it going for years but won't keep the Post Office going or ask the Congress to allow the Post Office to use some of the retirement fund (a fund that won't dwindle even if another 200,000 employees are added...won't dwindle until around 2050), to use to help the Post Office out. Add to that the fact that his son is asking for help with the hotel he and his family are leasing from the government...WTH!
Now, if you think I am pissed, your are way off, I am so far beyond being pissed I wish Valium was the strength it was in the 70's when I was taking it!
Sorry, but this is not the sort of news you want to wake up to.

In spite of my rant, stay safe, healthy, happy and hopeful.

Being free to think for myself - Part one

This morning I listened to Latino U.S.A. as I always do, and, as usual found out a few things I didn't know. In Puerto Rico, most citizens consider themselves white or acting white on Census taking because as peoples of color they have no power. Actually, the population is made up of Indigenous people of the island, Africans and Spanish...somehow I just never thought of all of those different nationalities, but then I only thought of Puerto Rico when the hurricane hit and our "leader" treated it as a joke...NOW I think of it more often. The U.S. is and has been a great disappointment to me since I have become free to think for myself, i.e. became a divorced woman.

Is it time to forget COVID 19 and go back to work, it is per our "leader"

As for all the Governors and our "leader" wanting the country to open it's business' very soon...really? Even when this virus reaches it's apex, it can hang around for months and even come back again in a larger more awful way. I know, we are all feeling the pinch, some more than others, but other countries are going through the same thing. As for these elected officials saying we need to pull up our "adult" pants and keep going, honestly I hope they come down with this virus it may be the only way for them to know what all of us are dealing with. Am I worried? You bet your booty I am. I am on Social Security and I work as a Care Giver for a franchise, I haven't been able to work for going on two weeks now because of self quarantine and I need the paycheck for bills, rent, and groceries, along with a few meds. I hear all of you saying that business' really need to start up again...yes it is hitting our Economy very hard and if we were the only ones in this boat I'd say it's time to get everything possible back on track...but we aren't alone. There isn't a nation out there that isn't being hit hard in the pocket book. Take a deep breath and remember when this is actually over, the jobs will be there and we will make it through. Right now it is nothing but a nightmare and it feels like we will never get through it but we will. We just need to stay as calm as humanly possible with a huge meltdown facing us.

Things that have me worried and very angry

#1  Going to another are of the world...India where people are trying to get to their homes and out of the large cities and having to walk hundreds and thousands of miles, many of them sick and with children.  For years I have been hearing that there will be a war over water...Between Pakistan and India, countries that have a lot of people and very little water and both have nuclear weapons, this may well happen and it is scary to think of .

#2  It is unfortunate but very true, this tragedy has gone completely political!  Our "leader" and some of our governors are more concerned with money than lives.  I know that without taxes roads won't be repaired, schools can't operate and many other things that taxes take care of, however, when the lives of everyone in the country are at stake money is not that important.  Maybe I need to correct that, money is important in order for our doctors, nurses, back up staff, etc. to be able to work and eat.  It is necessary to get food to those who cannot afford anything...but the level of political interference is beyond belief!  Our "leader" wants everything up and running, business wise, by the end of this month, earlier if possible. As far as medicine, generic drugs are about to run out so that means the large pharmaceuticals can put a huge increase on their drugs...want to pay $200 for something that cost 10 cents to make?  Our "leader" has no common sense, he does not live in the same world as we do so don't expect sympathy or actual help from him during this crisis that isn't near being over.  In fact, it can level off and then come back so when we hit the Apex...that doesn't mean a thing to this disease.

#3   Meanwhile,in Brazil...their "leader" (who admires and follows Trump in many ways) refuses to ban going in crowds to the beaches and actually encourages it...he isn't making them stay at home or wear protective gear when they go out and they are in for a hell of a run with COVID!

#4  Our Reservations have very little water and practically no health care.  Our government has made over 100 treaties with the Natives and broken everyone of them!  They hoped this would wipe them from the face of the Earth.  It didn't and it won't.  They are supposed to be here and they will stay here!  Do you really believe if you had to live like they do you wouldn't be a drug addict or an alcoholic?  Think again.  If you think they can live in "our world" and be happy...no way in hell.  We really need to understand them and I'm not talking about T.V. shows and movies, I mean really try to understand them.  Don't think you can go straight to them and ask questions, they learned long ago to be very careful of us "whites".  They take care of their elders (well you have those who want to be leaders and will do anything for money such as go around the reservation at night and shoot into houses where people are having supper and getting ready for bed, families with small children, another story to be talked about) and their sick without a lot of money and a long way from pharmacies and hospitals...what they have as doctors, nurses and hospitals won't be enough for all the peoples of the Reservations.  Although the plains Natives didn't have anything to do with the Constitution, the Iroquois did!  PBS has a series on Native Americans and you really should watch it because it covers a lot of territory on the history.

I'm going to close with a saying that closes my favorite Sunday morning radio show, "today is a good day to live".

For all of you who believe our "leader's" theory that WHO is to blame for the spread of this pandemic that has spread and those of you who believe China invented it and spread it...shame on you. Are you total idiots! There are Biologist who have been studying virus' for years and years, they are the ones who found that AIDS came from bats, they know and have told that there are many pandemics that are just waiting in the wings. This virus was started by

Animals in the wild and domesticated animals carry Coronavirus and have for centuries. With humanity spreading into areas of wildlife and ignoring the anything but what they want and need, we are lucky this hasn't happened before. Then, throw in the fact that around the world ALL governments and most people ignore the poor and think of them as "throw aways"...all of this does not help keep virus' under control. First and foremost, the poor don't choose to be poor, they have dreams just like everyone else but things happen.

Now about WHO. The World Health Organization works with all the countries in the world, hence the name, they investigate every possibility of a pandemic. They may have been a little late with this one but they thoroughly investigated it before they put out the warning...can you say that about our "leader"?
Folks, there is no conspiracy. No one man-made this virus, it is a force of Nature. Biologist say that wild animals have many virus' in their bodies and the Biologist have been trying to track down all of them but that is an enormous job...if you add to that the defunding of places where they can do their job you are just asking for trouble...that should be TROUBLE.
If you believe in Trump and everything he says, go ahead, but at least use some common sense and know that human beings do not like to admit their faults and we all have them. At least be smart enough to see his faults, point them out or admit that they are there...even doing that you are not being against him.
Okay, there is more but I've said enough. Oh yes, loyalty is highly over rated. The followers of every dictator in the world adored that dictator until he/she turned on them and then it was too late, just remember that.
It's snowing and I have to get groceries, I just really needed to get this off my chest, sorry.

China where it began is full of caves, the people there use the, excuse these words, bat shit for fertilizing their corps and the eat the bat meat which is full of protein. The Biologist believe that it spread to mainline China by way of selling bat meat in the markets.
Animals in the wild and domesticated animals carry Coronavirus and have for centuries. With humanity spreading into areas of wildlife and ignoring the anything but what they want and need, we are lucky this hasn't happened before. Then, throw in the fact that around the world ALL governments and most people ignore the poor and think of them as "throw aways"...all of this does not help keep virus' under control. First and foremost, the poor don't choose to be poor, they have dreams just like everyone else but things happen.
Now about WHO. The World Health Organization works with all the countries in the world, hence the name, they investigate every possibility of a pandemic. They may have been a little late with this one but they thoroughly investigated it before they put out the warning...can you say that about our "leader"?
Folks, there is no conspiracy. No one man-made this virus, it is a force of Nature. Biologist say that wild animals have many virus' in their bodies and the Biologist have been trying to track down all of them but that is an enormous job...if you add to that the defunding of places where they can do their job you are just asking for trouble...that should be TROUBLE.
If you believe in Trump and everything he says, go ahead, but at least use some common sense and know that human beings do not like to admit their faults and we all have them. At least be smart enough to see his faults, point them out or admit that they are there...even doing that you are not being against him.
Okay, there is more but I've said enough. Oh yes, loyalty is highly over rated. The followers of every dictator in the world adored that dictator until he/she turned on them and then it was too late, just remember that.
It's snowing and I have to get groceries, I just really needed to get this off my chest, sorry.

Life

While watching Koolulam on You Tube I realized I have lived more than most people.  There was a verse about all my broken bones (no I don't have any) and I have lived a life...yes I have.  It may not have been the life I expected and at the time it seemed very mundane...but looking back I realize I have done more than the majority of people in the world.  No, I didn't get to travel where I wanted, I didn't get to protest when I wanted to as loudly as I wanted, I didn't get to help people who were down and out...no I didn't get to do any of these but I definitely lived!

I overcame fear that had been installed in me at a young age.  I found that I wasn't stubborn, however, I was persistent and I am proud of that.  I opened my mind and learned oh so much, and I learned I need to open it even more so I can fully take in all that is in this world and the Universe.  I found that my fear of those that are different was really stupid.  I found that the prejudice I had toward others who believed different than me, who looked different than me...it was a waste of time.  I found that a broken trust, a broken heart did not break me but made me stronger.

Am I where I want to be...hell no!  I have so much further to go.  Am I bragging?  Maybe but not to put others down, only to remind myself how far I've come and how far I have yet to go.

It definitely is a good day to live!

Okay, I'm at it again so be aware.
As usual, people of color are in great danger because of preexisting conditions or the great possibility of these conditions exerting themselves. Blacks have to worry about diabetes, high blood pressure and a few other things. Hispanic...I'm not sure what diseases they may have BUT if they are migrant workers they are or have been exposed to deadly chemicals working in farm fields. Native Americans have poverty, no health care and no housing...on top of this are the hundreds of treaties that were made and never put into motion. All of these people have one thing in common, they have been betrayed over the centuries. Blacks came over here as slaves, not indentured people. Hispanics came here through an agreement with Mexico to work in the farm fields and some, especially in the Southwest, were here before the Europeans came. The Native Americans were the very first here and our government made treaties with them to get their valuable land (valuable money wise to us) and sacred land and literally ruin the land.
Why do I get riled about these things? I'm a mutt or a mongrel, I have many different European blood in my make up. My own personal belief is that everyone should be free, not taken advantage of, but free. Those of you who claim to be Christian and yet are very strongly racist...really? You believe in God and Jesus, I've read the Bible many times and I cannot see where you get the idea that either of the people you worship were racist. I am not condemning all Christians, the majority are deeply spiritual, however, as it happens in all groups there are you ijits! For the sake of the "real" Christians, clean up your act!
I warned you at the beginning that I was going to let it all out. I've done it, now go about your day, stay safe and healthy and think about how you treat others.

Hooray!!!!!!!!!! I've found a nation that is truly Democratic...unfortunately, I can't join them I am not Iroquois. They were the ones our Founding Fathers used as our foundation...well maybe used only half. The Chief of Chiefs came before them and explained their type of Constitution for ours and their form of Democracy for theirs. Unfortunately, they didn't follow it close enough and greed got in the way

We have been given and have stolen very good ideas from peoples we enslaved and took advantage of. Just think of that before you put anyone down, you haven't lived their lives and if you had you would be a different person.

Two things I found out this morning alarmed me and made me very angry.
#1. Our "leader" stopped a shipment of ventilators to Canada from 3M, ventilators Canada had paid for. This is an inhuman action. All nations are having a terrible time with supplies for their hospitals and our "leader" is playing god with the lives of another nation! Remember, Canada paid for these ventilators!

#2. The Navajo Nation, a poor nation, as are all Native Americans on reservations, has 200 cases of COVID-19. Just in case you don't know it, Reservations don't have adequate health care, most don't even have a potable water source. Because of mining for uranium in and near the Navajo reservation, it makes it even worse because of what is released into the air because of this type of mining...hell, because of any kind of mining. The reservation, for the most part, does not have running water or electricity, the water has to be hauled for miles and it is scarce. One man hauls the water for his family and when he found out how often hands needed to be washed he was devastated. Why? Simple, because the water has to be used for more than one purpose. It is used for cooking and cleaning and the cleaning includes baths as well as cleaning the house. You have no idea how it is to live like this, hell I've got a great imagination and I can't try and put myself in this situation. Tribal leaders have put into place that everyone must stay home and there can be no gathering, doing this to stop the spread of the virus. They have closed casinos, the main source of income for the few tribes who have them. As I said before, they don't have enough health care resources and now it is stretched far more than our own. If you are one of those blatant ijits who believe they deserve it...well, I don't count you a human being.

Anyway, these two things are what I woke up to this morning and to say that I am madder than an old wet hen is not even come close to how upset I am with our nation and what we have and are doing to people!

Well, our TYOSB had his speech last night and, as usual, it was all about the wonderful things he has done.  In actuality, it was just the opposite but we have to forgive him because he does live in his own little world and it is nowhere in the universe close to reality.

Just hearing a part of the speech started my neck pain to rear it's painful head.  We could expect this if we lived in a South American country, hell, even they protest to the highest degree against their criminal leaders.

I cannot remember a time when Democrats and Republicans have been so far apart...so uncivilized that they act like they are in a pep rally.  The "President" wouldn't even shake the hand of the leader of the House when she extended it and she ripped apart the speech afterwards (not sure whether it was after the neglected extended hand or after the speech). 

We no longer have adults running our government but rather children.  That said, with the maturity that most of the young people show in this country I probably should have called our government officials and "President" babies!

Well, it was a disappointment but something that was expected.  Both parties took an oath, to be honest, and not be partisan and true to their character, neither part was good at not keeping their oath.  I guess it goes with politics, however, it would be nice to know that those in control of our country would be able to take an oath and be true to that oath.  Am I the only one who is troubled by this?  I hope not.  I hope everyone is so outraged that we all get out and vote...get rid of those who have been in Congress far too long.  It's time to make those in charge of our country, from Congress to the President, remember their oaths and what the Constitution actually says, not what they WANT it to say. 

Warning Rant on the way.
I have never believed in conspiracy theories, still don't. However, looking at governments around the world and ours, in particular, I have my doubts that any government is actually doing anything for the people that government is supposed to represent. Now, you really don't expect China to be a caregiver for its people; you don't expect a dictator to be anything but selfish...but there are countries that elect their leaders who are not getting any respect from the leaders they put into office. As for our "Democratic" government...personally, I think it is so far from Democracy that I wonder if we can ever get back to a slightly grey shade of Democracy. We have a Congress full of 10-year-olds who are fighting over who is right and who is wrong...NOT doing their job, just wasting time. Our ten--year-old-spoiled-brat "leader" only thinks of how to deal guns to other countries and bully countries into his way of thinking.
Young people in Hong Kong, Argentina, and a few other countries are leading the way to have a government that listens to its people. Young people are standing up against governments for the sake of the environment. Okay, all of you who are "elders", where are you? I'm one of you. I rant and rage but that isn't enough. Frankly, I've run out of energy. I have to work and going to protest is out of the question. As for signing anything to be sent to my Congress representative is useless, they don't read the petition and they don't pay attention to phone calls. Anyone with a good idea? I'm more than willing to listen.
I'm done. Go enjoy your day.

Living in fear and what it can do

I have lived with fear and I don't like it any more than anyone else does.  How have I done it?  What was I afraid of?  Men were stronger than me and, as society taught, I was weak.  As a wife, I needed to be soft-spoken and please.  Dating after my first divorce it was the same thing, whether I really wanted the sex or not, I went ahead.  The second marriage I tried really hard, gave in when I really wanted to argue my point of view.  My step-son, at the age of 18, didn't get his way and took a rope trying to strangle me (in reality, he just wanted to scare me), at that point I became too angry to be afraid and took a knife (a sharp one) from the draw and put it to his throat, just denting in the skin.  He dropped the rope and took off for a 3-hour walk.  Needless to say, he didn't try to intimidate me in that way again.  His father would belittle me and make me feel lower than a snake's belly and I put up with it (one of the things that is wrong with trying to be a people pleaser)  At work, one boss got way too close and vibes went off like crazy, I backed off and kept a good bit of distance between him and me.  I became more aware of the warnings. On my way to work in Dallas, I entered the Expressway at 70 mph so I wouldn't cause any slowdowns.  There was a car about the length of 20 cars behind, apparently, the driver didn't like the idea of how I entered and sped up to the side of me shooting me the finger, I kept driving and this seemed to set him off.  He tried to push me off the road but I sped ahead of him.  When he caught up he began cussing and doing the finger thing again.  Where are cops when you need them?  Luckily for me, my turn came up and he didn't follow.

That was one of my fears.  The others?  Scorpions, snakes, centipedes, Black Widows, and angry horses.  How did I cope with these?  After years I became extremely tired of being afraid.  I found that if I got very angry I could threaten them and I never had to deal with them again.  The horses?  That was a little easier.  I was afraid of being bucked off.  I spoiled (read pampered) this one horse and when I went to ride him he decided to get rid of me.  He bucked around the back yard about ten times before I bailed off.  When he came down from a buck I was on the ground under him and all four hooves came down at a slant, I still have a dent in my right leg where they grazed that leg.  I was 25 at the time and still have the dent.  I got rid of him, I should have sold him to a rodeo.  The second horse was angry and threatened me and the kids because he was separated from the other horses as my husband wanted him to be our Stud.  He pinned me against the stall wall, this after trying to kick me, rear and come down on my head (his intention).  When I got out of the stall, I hooked up the trailer, got the halter and put it on him.  When he saw the halter he thought he had won and allowed me to put it on him.  I put him in the trailer and took him to the Vet who gelded him.  My husband came home to look at him and ask me what was wrong with him, I said he'd be okay in three days, my husband, who never worked with any of the horses left it at that.

Now, if I'm afraid you will never know it because I have learned how to put up a front that even animals can't figure out is fear.

The reason I am saying all of this?  Because of our country, rather, our leaders have bullied other nations and expect to be respected without any retaliation.  Countries in the Middle East mostly live in anxiety because of all their neighbors.  When the U.S. comes in and threatens they may take it for a while but not for long.  This is what is happening with Iran.  The U.S. is very friendly with the Jews who (the leader that is) want to get rid of all Arabs.  There was peace for a good while and then the present leader of Jeusreleam took care of that quickly.  With threats all around and our "leader" threatening and taking us out of the agreement on their nuclear business, they feel very threatened.  Our "leader" is good about bullying so I can't blame Iran for defending themselves.  You may think I am a traitor, but this is not the nation I want, nor is this the "leader" I can look up to for so many reasons that would take too long to explain.

Anyway, all of this is to explain how a country or person can turn that fear into something that will never let that fear control them.   Just my opinion